What a very bad movie (See what I did there? With the play on words?). I was really excited to see this one for multiple reasons. I love Peter Berg in the director's chair. Over the last 5 years "Friday Night Lights" has become one of my favorite shows on TV and knowing that the same creator/director had helmed a deeply dark comedy got me itching to see it. I also love this entire ensemble. Jon Favreau, Daniel Stern, Jeremy Piven, That dude who was forced to use the penis-blade thing in Seven, Christian Slater, Cameron Diaz- what's not to like? Apparently everything. I had no problem with the darker aspects of this movie. What I have a problem with is that the film meanders along in such dark territory for the entirety of its runtime, that it completely forgets to be funny.
What a waste of talent. I frankly don't know how you can put all of these people in a film together and have it not be funny. The one exception is Cameron Diaz. As the ultimate bridezilla she perfectly shirks (and participates in) the gruesome acts committed to avoid a postponement of her precious wedding. But aside from this surprisingly twisted turn, the film offers very little. I don't know that the blame lies with the actors, however. Rather, I think this horrible "film" can be credited mostly to their agents. I don't know who picked this script, presented it to this talented group, and convinced them it was good, but if there is any justice in the world they have been excommunicated from ever working in Hollywood again.
The movie starts out with its core group of characters preparing for a bachelor party for their best bud (Jon Favreau) in Las Vegas. Well worn territory to be sure. However (and this may be the one positive part of this review) nobody can blame the story for not being unique. Upon arriving in Vegas, the gang has one hell of a night with all of the gambling, booze, and cocaine characteristic of a Vegas bachelor party. But then the real treat comes. One of the gentleman (played by Christian Slater) has hired an escort just for the boys. The idea being that the groom-to-be can spend one last night on the pony. Declining the offer, another buddy (Jeremy Piven) decides he should partake, so as not to waste the bought-and-paid-for hospitality. Things start about as you'd expect in the hotel bathroom, but quickly turn bad as the escort is impaled on the towel hanger of the bathroom door. Dead hookers are not good, agrees our group of middle class suburbanites. After also laying waste to a hotel security guard who pushes his way into their room, the group decides rather than call the authorities, they should bury the bodies in the desert. From this point on the story completely falls apart as we see the characters eventually begin to crack under the stress and turn on each other. By the end of the movie the group of 5 has dwindled to 2 survivors present at the wedding.
The problem with this movie is that while you watch it, even as an amateur viewer, you can find so many missed opportunities. The plot for a very darkly comedic film is there. It's the script that just misses on all of these occasions. Daniel Stern may be the most ridiculously underused of the bunch. We all know this man can be funny from the Home Alone movies. But you would never even guess he had any proclivity toward comedy in Very Bad Things (even dark comedy). Where this movie tries to be in the realm of great films like In The Company of Men and Ghost World, it ends up being much closer to- I can't even think of another dark comedy I hated this much. Don't be drawn in by the stellar cast, or great director of this movie. You'll surely enjoy Gigli more.
Rating- 2/10
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